Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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