oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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