When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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