Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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