I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
