Your dad touched me again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
