i wish my penis had a tongue
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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