Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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