So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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