So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
True strength comes from lack of pants
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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