We need to rekindle our bromance
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
