I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize