OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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