Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
