can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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