I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize