piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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