i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
