At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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