Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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