Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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