and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
