You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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