i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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