Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
