I think my vagina is haunted
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
