Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
