the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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