How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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