I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
