i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
