she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
