so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
