My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
