I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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