i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
