I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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