So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize