i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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