I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
