There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize