i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
