Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
