I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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