That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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