We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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