Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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