I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
