he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
