Just cropdusted the office
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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