when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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