some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my liver is dry heaving
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
