he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
