T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
