I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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