We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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