I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
