i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
