Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
