i don't like sucking hair
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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