Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize