So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Randomize
