We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
