Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
