I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
