How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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