Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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