Welp...herpes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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