Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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