You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
