So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
