At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
