i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
