5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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