I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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